Social anxiety holds me back. There, I’ve said it. That’s the post. I hope you’re doing well today. Let’s do this again tomorrow.
Okay, I need to say a bit more than that.
Many people will tell you that you need to be an extrovert to do this. I’d like to be the exception to the rule, but to be honest, I think I would be further along in this career if I were more outgoing. A podcast or YouTube channel would open up opportunities. One of the reasons I’m sharing this developer journal is an attempt to communicate with the community while remaining closer to my comfort level.
It’s not that I have a fear of public speaking. I’ve given talks in from of hundreds of people, live, many times. As I’ve gotten older it’s become harder. The anxiety is greater. The number of negative experiences I’ve had has increased, which only serves to make me more reluctant to pop my head up.
The internet doesn’t help. Trolls are bad-faith time-wasters and emotional parasites. The only way to win is to not play, which serves to cut you off from nice people, which isn’t a win at all. Having been both a call center supervisor and a retail manager in the past makes me reluctant to deal with strangers. People randomly yelling at me was the norm, and that sticks with you even when you’re out of those specific circumstances.
I Hope You’re Doing Well Today
This is why I’m trying to focus on quality. My hope is that if I release killer products, you’ll help me with good ratings, reviews, and general word of mouth. It’s why I’m developing The Secret Newsletter, as an additional means of communicating with people in a way that doesn’t completely stress me out.
And I know, I know, that this is an innately social hobby. It’s weird for someone as introverted, reclusive, and borderline misanthropic as me to run this sort of business. All I can say is, I wasn’t always like this. I’m not always like this. I’m fine when I’m with my home group, and with friends.
That said, my philosophy that you should focus on my work and not on me is sincere. All tabletop roleplaying books should be about you, what you do with them, the imagination that you express. I just provide the tools. You’re the true creators.